Guacamole and Cheddar

Gary’s Muffins used to be one of my favourite places for a quick lunch. Good coffee, freshly squeezed juice, excellent cheesecake, really great bagels — I must admit I never had any of the muffins they named themselves after — and a somewhat fuzzy, laidback atmosphere.

The only complaint I can think of was the slow service at times. This could be annoying, but it also gave you the idea they were really trying to get you the best bagel possible.

But things have changed. The last time we visited, we noticed the restyled menu. The round forms and friendly colors were replaced by a more regular, no-nonsense design. The freshly squeezed orange juice was now only available in little plastic bottles with zen-like marketing blurbs all over them (We love nothing. Nothing is good. So we add absolutely nothing to our superb naturally squeezed absolutely fresh totally wholesome organically produced juice). The bottle also mentioned the juice had been lightly pasteurized, followed by a reassuring just like milk. Pasteurized orange juice that will be good for at least another three weeks is not what I call ‘fresh’.

They also found a way to speed up their service. Instead of covering both halves of the bagel like they used to, they now put the topping on only one.

For a simple creamcheese-and-jam bagel, this is not such a big deal. You just use your knife to move some of the topping over to the other half. For my favourite, the guacamole-and-cheddar, this didn’t seem like a good option. You only have one slice of cheddar and you also have to put the tomatoes and cheddar somewhere aside on the little plate. The only reasonable thing I could think of was to put the other half on top and try to eat it like a hamburger. Any idea what kind of mess that gets you?

Update: Avi, who has visited New York more times than I ever will in my entire life, told me that hamburger-style eating is quite normal.